Labyrinth starring the Bulge King.

According to D. W. Griffith, “Movies are written in sand: applauded today, forgotten tomorrow.” If sand is an accurate symbol for a movie then how can some films, like Star Wars, be remembered over so many years while others be swept away with the tide. I was once curious to why such beautiful grains of sand could be swept away so easily. Also, who says they can’t be brought back to shore. I will be writing on the ones I have seen and I believe should be returned to the surface and why, perhaps, were they cast out.

Well, the first grain of sand I am going to bring to shore is a 1986 fantasy film by Jim Henson, called “Labyrinth.” A short summary is that this is a film about a teenage girl, Sarah, who, after being left home to babysit her baby brother, wished for her brother to be taken by the Goblin King. With a condense time limit, Sarah must traverse to the center of the puzzle, riddle, and illusion filled labyrinth to get her young sibling back before he is turned into a goblin. I know right, some plot, aye.

Let’s be honest here folks, any good story has to have some sort of concept that the protagonist has to either go through or develop within themselves as the story progresses. This makes the story worth telling. Imagine if in “Star Wars,” Luke stayed on Tatooine because going to space would be too difficult. There would be no story. The Empire would still exist and once again NO STORY. In that similar theme, Sarah, the protagonist, has to go through riddles, a constantly changing maze, realizing for herself that one shouldn’t take things for granted and whether or not to trust someone. She made unlikely friends of all shapes, sizes, and species throughout her venture to the unknown. Some of which are Hoggle, the merchant that wants to help dear Sarah but is being controlled by the monarch of the land; Ludo, the friendly beast; Sir Didymus, the fox-like bridge guard; and Ambrosius, the sheep dog steed of Sir Didymus. These people help Sarah figure out the maze and help her get to the center to fight the King. Their last line to Sarah was “If you would need us.” That shows the dedication and how much they care about the person they just met. Not all heroes wear capes, folks.

Now, that the ‘serious’ portion of the post is done, let me just say as a musical lover, a band member, and choir singer; the music in this film is on POINT. All the songs featured in the movie was written by Ziggy Stardust himself (for those youngsters out there, Ziggy Stardust is David Bowie👍. Okay, you can continue now, I apologize for the interruption). I wouldn’t necessarily say this is a musical, but there is certainly a couple beauties entangled throughout the plot to help the story along. My personal favorite songs featured are Magic Dance and As the World Falls Down. Other than those there are a few others like Chilly Down, Within You,and Underground.

With everything I mentioned above that makes this movie a classic in my heart, but there is a reason no one knows of it. I must be fair about it, even though I love this movie, it does have some rough parts. Some being hinted in the title of this post, the Bulge King. That is a nickname I have dubbed the Goblin King. I am pretty confident that you can figure out why I called him that, but if you haven’t connected the dots just yet, I would like to diverge your attention to the picture the the left of this text. It was a big controversy because the parents, naturally, did not want their children seeing anything that what ever deity you pray to or the universe, if your an atheist, would not approve of. I dug into the long lost special features and the bulge was intentional. I repeat, the BULGE WAS INTENTIONAL! I guess, the entire costume of the Goblin King was a mixture of a knight and a rock star. Basically, what was said on the feature, the costume design was to entice young girls into watching, so I guess that equals what ever animal was living in David Bowie’s leggings. I believed it worked because my sister was obsessed with this movie since she first laid eyes on his majesty, the Bulge King.

Besides the protruding issue stated above, no pun intended, there was an issue concerning Sarah. She was about fourteen years old in this film; along with the actress. Let that sink in, she was fourteen, basically just finding out what middle school is and now she is running around in a giant maze. Mind you the first draft of the script, made the Goblin King and Sarah kiss. One participate a immortal Faye/ fairy man and the other is a fourteen year old girl. Thankfully it was cut but just the idea of that makes me cringe, but there is still a hint of some sort of tention throughout the movie. But I must say Jennifer Connelly, she played Sarah I kinda forgot to mention that, looks a lot older for some reason. She looks like she is eighteen or nineteen, but still, no.

Now, I must say with all the information I have brought to the table, I still think it would be a great movie for families to watch. I know there are some very rough stuff that either happen before production or the small details called age, but the overall story is a good idea. As I toss the bead of sand back into the ocean, I ponder that maybe one day, Labyrinth can be remastered and be done where there is no romantic ties to a fourteen year old from an older man and where there is not a small raccoon stuck in between the Goblin King’s legs. That could be a good start to a hopeful new start. Perhaps, the Goblin King could be wished back, one last time.